Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Mary Sweeney script review

I had another script review today, this time with Mary Sweeney of the Writing division. Overall, she liked the script, which was really encouraging.
  • She really liked the use of color palette to separate Hindus and Muslims into two 'tribes'
  • She liked the transitions, especially the animated transition from the map into the train
  • She thought I did a good job showing, instead of telling, and that the images and dialogue are both used efficiently
I asked her about the use of dialogue, and she thought I should keep it in because although the story works without the historical context, it's the context that makes it even more interesting. And the dialogue between Bir and Santosh is the way in which I provide this context.

Also, she did have one interesting story suggestion - to telegraph/foreshadow the significance of the cap beforehand. For example, Bir could find a prayer cap and playfully put it on his own head, when his mother quickly removes it. This way, the audience realizes that the cap is specific to one religion and its transfer is not common. So this moment amplifies the significance of Maqbool's gesture later on in the film.

I like the idea a lot (in fact, I had a variation of this idea in an earlier draft), but it may cause problems because I already have Bir picking up the cap and giving it to Maqbool. So, two cap incidents might be too many. Therefore, I need to either combine both the incidents or use only one of them. Food for thought, I suppose.

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